As joyful as the holidays are meant to be, they’re also a major source of stress, anxiety, and depression for kids and teens, often more than adults realize. Factors like routine changes, unmet expectations, and mounting social pressure can all be contributors to the holiday blues. So, what do we do to combat this and how can we help kids and teens cope this holiday season?
Veronica Moya a mindfulness educator, meditation teacher, and founder of the nonprofit Mindful V, has these recommendations for how parents can help their kids reset before, during, and after emotionally charged holiday moments to help reverse or even prevent these seasonal downers.
Sing your heart out
We all know that singing is part of holiday celebrations, but this is usually something that we watch others do, like your neighborhood carolers. This holiday season, encourage your young ones, especially your teens, to sing. It doesn’t have to be holiday music, encourage them to sing any song that is fun for them. Singing can be a major healing power within the body. It releases “happy” neurochemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, which boost your mood and reduce symptoms of depression.
Do deep breathing exercises
Morning routines are very important because they anchor your emotional state before the rest of the world starts making their demands. This is especially prevalent in kids and teens who juggle early school start times, after school sports and activities, homework, and constant stimulation from technology. In my practice, I call this mental hygiene, which teaches children how to self-regulate in a world of constant stimulation. It’s as essential as brushing your teeth or washing your hands.
Be honest with your kids
Children know more than you think. A lot of the time, when adults are sad, stressed or overwhelmed, they think they can fake it in front of their children, but they couldn’t be more wrong.
What I always recommend to the parents of my clients is that if you are feeling triggered about something which is causing you to be upset, stressed, or overwhelmed, it’s always best to be honest. Spell it out, even if your kids are quite young. Children are incredibly wise and sensitive and they can perceive and mimic feelings and energy. So, when you put how you’re feeling into words, you are helping them understand why they, in turn, may be feeling down or blue. This puts the situation into context and once named, the feelings are not as intense anymore.
Encourage kids to make choices based on what feels right
We all want the holidays to feel magical, but kids can easily get overwhelmed with trying to keep up with expectations. This can range from anything like school obligations, family gatherings, or simply trying to be “on” all the time. It’s important to show them that they shouldn’t be making choices out of obligation or because they think it’s what others want or expect. Doing this can cause burnout and unnecessary stress. Encourage them to listen to their feelings and use words to communicate what they want. If there is a certain activity they don’t want to partake in, encourage them to say “no thank you,” and skip activities that can be too overstimulating. Give them permission to listen to their feelings and communicate in a kind fashion.
Let Go of Guilt
This is a powerful tip for both children and their parents. Being stuck in negative feelings doesn’t help anyone, rather, it makes it difficult for you to be your best self. Remember, you create with your mind and your mind creates your experience.
Parents can model this by showing their kids that it’s okay to release that guilt instead of holding it in. It’s important for them to feel kind, loving and adequate. The sooner this is learned, the sooner they are able to become more emotionally balanced and equipped to handle outside pressures. Try a short and simple gratitude exercise to help the process.
Prepare Ahead of Time
You know the triggers are coming, and you can defeat them before they start. Here’s how: Teach your children that they are in control of their experiences, nobody owns real estate in their minds. Feeling empowered, grounded and connected is key to having a great experience. So, before you leave the house or before the guests come over, teach your kids to set themselves up for success. Have them take three deep breaths and recite a clear intention such as, “I am centered and I am in control.”
Start a gratitude journal
With your kids out of school for winter break, this is the perfect time to create new habits for your family. And one of the simplest and most impactful practices is gratitude.
Teach your children to find blessings in the smallest and simplest of things, like hanging out with your friends after school. By showing them what they are thankful for, you’re training the brain to be more sensitive to positive experiences and can even increase gray matter in certain areas. For parents looking for a place to start, here are examples to help kids express gratitude daily.
Physical activity is key
When thinking about the holiday season, food and drinks are usually at the forefront. So, it’s no surprise that physical activity is usually overlooked or ignored.
It’s important for kids to move and shake their bodies regularly in order to maintain a healthy mind. Remember that your body works in perfect harmony and is designed to help us feel great. Exercise does relieve mental stress. You need to move the body to release tension and ground yourself.
Do something you think your kids would enjoy, like jumping on the trampoline, dancing, or riding their bike. Creating an at-home exercise schedule for family members to engage in physical activity could also be a great idea. That said, if the above isn’t of interest, you can help your kids release tension by simply practicing the Superhero Squeeze.
To do this, simply have your kids imagine that they have super strength in their hands. They’re then going to squeeze them really, really tight, as if they were a superhero. Then release slowly. Next, they’ll squeeze their shoulders up to touch their ears. They’ll squeeze, then exhale as they slowly let go. Lastly, they’ll do both together. Squeeze their shoulders and hands at the same time. Exhale slowly as they release.
This exercise helps them release tension and feel calm and grounded.
Set up a quiet corner in the house
Give your child a dedicated space in the house that reminds them that their feelings matter. Think of this place as their own version of Superman’s Fortress of Solitude, a place where they can recharge, reflect, or reset.
You don’t have to do much here, a comfy chair, fuzzy blanket, favorite book, or calming objects will be more than enough. Let them know that they can sit there when they need to reset, breathe, and calm down.
Find a talisman
Some kids need a physical object to help them feel anchored. This is known as a talisman, or something that has a powerful or positive influence on you.
For your kids, encourage them to find an object that feels special to them; something small like a cool rock, keychain or bracelet. Encourage them to keep it in their pocket. That way, when they come face to face with any stress, anxiety or setbacks, they have their anchor right there with them. When kids are feeling overwhelmed, tell them to hold their talisman and take three deep breaths.
